What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 21:48
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I waited trembling.
Why am I so wanting to suck a penis?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My life is so biszare .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What do most wives fantasize about?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We all went to grammer schools
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What is the naughtiest fantasy that you've lived out?
I will be 64.
I never cut or harmed myself..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Have you ever had a scary dream about a loved one or friend soon after their death?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What is it like to be a Christian in Iran?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She loved him until the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why do I sweat so much at the gym?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
A handy charger for every Switch Joy-Con you own is just $20 - The Verge
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My family never makes their pension either.
Im still living with it.
One cannot live in the past .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was 9 years of age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What did i know ?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i lived it daily.
This is soul school!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was very sick at this time too.
We were not on the streets..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was scared of men, in general
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Who then, do I blame.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She wouldn,t have been !
I could never make a relationship work though!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So whats the point in blame.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
It was going to be , some day.
When she asked me how she looked .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But it wasn’t much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was in good health!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Would this be the day?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I don,t even have a pension.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I think the readers, may guess!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I have no regrets .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I write beautiful poetry .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He knew the spot.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She married twice! .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She found it foreign!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But, we were locked up after school.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I said to her
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Put me off passion for life!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.